Are you a diminisher or an illuminator?

Every human interaction has an outcome, something that is produced, regardless of how small or trivial that interaction may seem.

The interaction is positive or negative. Something either deposits to or enhances the overall relationship, or it withdraws or removes something from it.

As leaders, we are often the bearers of bad news, the ones who have to say “no” to ideas and purchases. We get to say “yes” to some ideas as well, and those feel like the best conversations. Whether the information is good or bad, it is really just news, and the real challenge lies in how you deliver those messages.

Your “no” can still be positive. Maybe the “no” is just a “not right now,” or perhaps the “no” is more of a “this needs some more work to become a ‘yes.’”

As you have these interactions, think of yourself in one of two ways: I can be an illuminator and bring good, positive feelings to add to this relationship. Or I can be a diminisher and remove something from the relationship. Regardless of the information you deliver, you still have a choice, and the solid leaders always want to be an illuminator.

Now, in choosing one of these paths, you have to up your interpersonal skills to make this genuine. It starts by how well you are able to “see” others. I’m referring to the proclivity we have to judge people – how we size them up with our eyes and experiences.

The real work comes in how quickly you can get to know them. Find the real root reason for their ask of you. As cliche as it may sound, this does not start with your mouth but with your ears. Listen, not with the intent of replying or responding, but with the expressed intent to understand them. To know the “why” behind the ask.

To listen and to understand, you need to be present in the moment. Turn down the volume on everything else in your mind and listen in that moment. To see them and hear them and know them, you need to be right there with them.

Going one step further, to know them, you have to allow yourself to be known to them. You need to be willing to share, empathize, possibly even commiserate with them. Only then are you truly able to know someone in this situation.

Now, if you have made it this far, you are ready to be vested in that relationship. You are poised to give back, to help and to serve. You are ready to be an illuminator for them. These are the interactions that every leader and manager revels in, the interactions that may possibly alter or enhance the trajectory of someone’s career.

Now get out there and start adding some light to people’s lives.

Let’s work on your upgrade.

Aaron Huizenga is East Division manager for Lakes Gas in Wisconsin. Reach him at ahuizenga@lakesgas.com.