How to have uncomfortable conversations with colleagues

In our lives, we have to deal with uncomfortable conversations.

It happens at home, it happens at work, and it happens wherever people interact. Whether it is discussing grades with your children, finances with your significant other or situations with your friends and family, you have to talk about it.

In this piece, I will share some of my thoughts on talking about uncomfortable stuff.

1. You have to be able to discuss the undiscussable. Setting emotion aside, talk about the real issue, and try to do it without getting too upset. Identify early on the elephant in the room because that is why you are in the conversation to begin with. If you place that “thing” right out in front, then you can work through the issues and solutions far more quickly than walking around the “thing” for an hour and getting nowhere.

2. Tell the truth, even if it is unpopular. Own the problem if you are part of it. Hey, we all make mistakes, and sometimes they are big ones. The truth is critical to two pillars of human relationships: integrity and trust. Those are what separate good relationships from bad ones. If you have trust, then you can come to a resolution. If you have integrity, then others involved in the discussion have an internal faith that you will do what you commit to do.

3. Address the issues head-on. This plays directly off talking about the elephant in the room. There are many times you have been faced with an issue. Sleeping on it can help; most things look a little better in the morning after your subconscious has had a bit of time to work out the issue. However, hit it head-on and get fully engaged in working toward a solution. In this stage, you can’t be afraid to discuss the bad news. But don’t look at it as bad; it is just news that doesn’t line up with the mindset you had before the issue came to the forefront. Not good or bad – just news.

4. Get the rest of the team engaged in what is wrong, right or needs to be solved. This is where leaders and managers have the ability to get creative. Look at the situation from many angles and collaborate on how to take down this problem. When everyone involved has a role in the solution then, as a group, you will naturally create buy-in to carry out the next steps to the desired outcome. Through collaboration, trust will increase, ideas will flow, and the best possible outcome can be achieved.

5. Confront the reality of the situation and the conversations. Problems are temporary, but trust and integrity last far longer. Once you have moved from problem to solution, you have arrived at the final step of carrying out the steps for correction. At this point, you as the leader, the manager, the parent, the whatever, have to do your own dirty work and own the solution, however unpopular it may be. Feelings may be hurt, and some may get a little out of joint, but over time, this will enhance your integrity because you didn’t pass it off. You owned it, from start to finish.

Aaron Huizenga is East Division manager for Lakes Gas in Wisconsin. Reach him at ahuizenga@lakesgas.com.